Today my littler sister, Danielle, should have been 20.

20-years

20 years….

20 years since we held her in our arms for the first time, knowing the sad and grim reality that we would never get to bring her home.

20 years of trying to wrap our heads around why someone so little and so innocent didn’t receive a fair chance at life.

20 years of constant wonder about the young woman that Danielle would have become had she been given that fair chance.

20 years of sharing Danielle’s memory with anyone who would ask or be willing enough to listen. While they may not have always known the right words, they were there and offering a hand in support. Support that meant more than they will ever understand.

20 years of not knowing what each November would bring. Some years November is a time full of a mind-numbing sadness. Other years, like this one, November has been brought on by an eerie sense of calm.

20 years that while it may not seem like that long of a time has felt at times like an eternity.

It is true when they say that time may heal the wounds, but the what if’s will always remain.

Today, I feel thankful.

I feel thankful for those few short days that I got to enjoy being a big sister to the most precious and fragile little angel life could offer my family.

I feel thankful for the life lessons that Danielle taught me at such a young age. Life is precious, never guaranteed and very short. Make the most of every moment, never take anything for granted, don’t have regrets and live as though tomorrow is never promised.

Danielle made quite the impact in the short few days she had on earth, leaving quite the solid footprint on many hearts.

We may miss her like crazy, and while we never will have all the answers, I’m most thankful for the time we had and the memories we made.

Danielle, today on your 20th birthday. Wherever you may be celebrating, just know your family is thinking of you, and we hope you’re having one hell of a party!

5 Comments on 20 Years

  1. Kristen Paskus
    November 23, 2015 at 6:56 am (2 years ago)

    I have no doubt in my mind that you will one day be together again. You have held her in your heart for all these years and sometimes the shortest moments are the ones that hold forever in our hearts. She is celebrating in Heaven right now.

    Reply
  2. Darlene Schuller
    November 23, 2015 at 11:28 am (2 years ago)

    It was 3 years since my 1st grandchild passed from SIDS at 10 months old… I spent the day …. ‘wondering’ .. just like you describe in this post.

    I am so sorry for your loss…

    Reply
  3. Erika Belanger
    November 23, 2015 at 12:17 pm (2 years ago)

    I am sorry for your loss. This made me cry. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for your family to go through this. Life is so short!!
    At least you got to hold her and you have pictures to look at. I’m sure she is always with you and your family. Hugs!

    Reply
  4. Monica
    November 24, 2015 at 11:19 pm (2 years ago)

    I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes life is so cruel.

    Reply
  5. Wanda Tracey
    October 22, 2016 at 9:06 pm (1 year ago)

    I feel your loss and sorrow.Sometimes life is a mystery and hard to understand.

    Reply

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