When we headed into our sixth month of trying to conceive, I really didn’t have high hopes. I was feeling pretty down on myself. The emotion was starting to take it’s toll on me. It’s like a friggin’ roller coaster. One minute you’re fine that you’re not pregnant… The next your inner walls are crumbling and falling apart inside knowing it just isn’t happening for you.
This month was no different.
We moved this past month. Between the stress of preparing for the move and ovulating on moving day… really I had no hope that this would be my month. The timing was just all off. There was always that one part of me that had that tinsy tiny morsel of hope remaining. Hope that was just strong enough for me to hang on by a thread.
The two week wait went by relatively fast. My mind was preoccupied. I was busy settling into my new home and unpacking. I lost track of time. I never lose track of time during the 2WW, but this time around – I did!!!
It felt amazing not to be stressed and analyzing every little symptom. Is that my period coming? Or… is that a pre-pregnancy symptom? I didn’t over think any of it.
Logging into Fertility Friend on Wednesday it dawned on me that my monthly visit from Aunt Flo was due and she hadn’t arrived. I usually experience a week of pre-menstrual spotting. Not this time around. I only exhibited mild cramping.
I refused to test. It seemed too good to be true. Could I actually finally be pregnant? I waited as each day passed. Determined that Aunt Flo would show her face… each day she surprised me and didn’t. I tested on Saturday morning. A big fat negative. Nice. Not what I was hoping for at all! I was so cautiously optimistic that it was finally my turn. Nope. Aunt Flo made her grand appearance early Monday morning. Wonderful… not.
I keep kidding myself and telling myself that I’m ok. The other part of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry. Why can’t this journey ever come easy to me? You hear of stories of couples that just get pregnant in one shot. I envy them.
On the other side of the fence… I’m just happy to be out of limbo! Being almost a week late (I’m always early, never late) and not pregnant was completely torturous!
On to the next one… Bring on month 7!