Today was certainly a day that I’ve been dreading for the last few weeks. Today not only does C turn 8 months old, but it also would’ve marked my first midwife appointment for this past pregnancy. Today I would’ve been revisiting the midwife who delivered C, and getting to show her how much C has grown in the past 8 months… but not only that I would’ve been also getting to hear the heartbeat of my other little one for the very first time.
When I first miscarried, I didn’t think today would be hard, but it truly is. I honestly thought the hurt was dying down, but the pain still burns as much as it did before. I find the day to day itself is getting a bit easier, but it’s those little reminders over time that set me off. I know it is okay to cry and I know it is okay to feel, so that is what I’m letting myself do… I just wish I didn’t have to go through these motions… Life can be pretty damn unfair sometimes.
Today is bittersweet in the sense that I’m rejoicing the life of my little girl, but mourning in the thoughts of my lost little one. Nothing can or will ever replace my little angel in heaven. C is such a true little blessing, and I take so much comfort in having her by my side. She’s such a down to earth sweetheart. It amazes me how much love she can have for someone and yet be soooo little… It also amazes me how much a Mom can love her little ones. I don’t think you really understand the feeling until you are a mother yourself.
So if you are reading this take this time to squeeze your dear child(ren) extra close today. They are such amazing little blessings!