If you were to take a group of parents aside and ask them if they argued with their spouse in front of their children… odds are each parent would probably answer ‘no’. Arguing in front of children is seen as a huge sociological ‘no-no’. Let’s face it though… as parents and in marriage we are not perfect. Not all conflict can be resolved without the presence of our children.
I’ll admit that my husband and I do fight in front of our kids. We don’t have full out screaming matches. However, if we are in the midst of a disagreement we will resolve the matter in front of our children. We don’t see this as setting a bad example for our children. If anything we feel that they are learning problem solving skills by witnessing our small snafus. It teaches them conflict resolution at a young age.
So when does an argument go too far?
My husband and I have always agreed that we would not call each other names or belittle one another in the presence of our children. Name calling is simply juvenile and a sign a spite. Something we do not need our children to learn. After all our children do learn from our example. They are constantly watching our every move and listening to our every word that comes of our mouths.
Yesterday was one of those days. Not only that… it was Valentines Day. I picked my husband up from the train station. He was in quite the mood. A mood I wasn’t going to put up with. Some very spiteful things were said and I was called a ‘bitch’ in front of the children. I’m not going to divulge into further details. My husband has since apologized. The details aren’t really anyone else’s business but our own..
The whole situation last night left me very upset. My children are at the age where they are expanding their vocabulary. Their minds are like sponges. For them to have heard some of the comments directed at me felt like a dagger went straight through my heart. Our fight went way too far and turned way too sour.
I’ve now had some time to reflect and I’m wondering if our approach is one off. Should we really argue in front of our children? Are we doing right by it? Certainly not when the arguments go south rather than reach resolution.
Spill it! Do you argue in front of your children?