My sweet, sweet angel baby…
I can’t believe it’s October 10th already. Not only is today your Uncle Dylan’s birthday, but today also is the day you should have been born a year ago. Today should have been your 1st birthday. Sadly God had other plans for you, and welcomed you into his kingdom before you had any real time with us on earth.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I miss you more than words can describe. I look back and cherish the moments of you in my belly. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t still hurt. My heart aches that you’re not with us. We miss you so much baby.
Last year, I wrote a note to you on what should have been your due date. That post is so raw and full of emotion. Many don’t understand why I still (in their eyes) dwell over you. If they could only understand the bond I grew with you in the few short months, they’d understand. If they held you the way I had to when I lost you, they’d understand. Miscarriage and pregnancy loss changes you.
Last year, I was so full of fear because I was pregnant with your brother come around the time of what should have been your due date. I was so scared to lose him during the pregnancy or labour. I was so scared of dying during labour too. The pregnancy was rough. I was faced with threatened miscarriage. I was later put on bed rest at 20 weeks as a result of a complete previa. I took a bad spill down the stairs at 32 weeks that found me in the hospital for fetal monitoring. You must have been watching over your Momma because Cameron was delivered and healthy at 40 weeks, 3 days. It’s safe to say that I believe in angels. You are my angel.
Today I hope that the angels and your Auntie Danielle throw you one wicked birthday party up there in heaven. I miss and love you so much! If tears could build a stairwell and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven to bring you home again.
Love lots, Momma