I’ve been so blessed to have been graced with such a great group of girl friends. A group of friends that will drop anything to be there for you should you ever need a thing.
As of late, I have to admit I’ve been experiencing bouts of what could be determined as depression resulting from the miscarriage. For the first few weeks after the miscarriage, I thought I was fine… But now as time has gone on I’m quickly realizing that I’m not… The pain burns more each day, and I know the memories will certainly never fade. I thought everything was going to get easier and fast, I guess I was wrong. I’ve been having trouble sleeping, having disturbing dreams, not as hungry and crying a lot…. To top it all off JM and I have certainly been fighting a lot more… probably because I’m miserable. I find lately that pregnancy test commercials taunt me… I see pregnancy announcements and pregnant women everywhere… Like seriously, I mean… EVERYWHERE! And, while I’m soooo extremely happy for everyone… I can’t help but feel nauseated at the same time… 🙁 Now I wouldn’t say I have a full on depression, but I’m just not happy right now. I hurt inside… A LOT more than I show! It so easy nowadays to fake a happy smile and hide how I’m really feeling.
I’ve been speaking with my doctor about my emotions, and I take so much comfort in knowing that she recently had a miscarriage as well, so she can relate to me. She has reassured me to know that I’m feeling is normal and has told me to try writing about my loss, as it could be a very therapeutic outlet for me… to which I’m now doing (and opening up about everything… I’m not going to shelter it anymore… This will be my full on outlet)… She also told me to try to take some more time for me – to pamper myself and have that additional quiet time. The last resort would be seeing a counsellor or resorting to meds. Every woman is different when it comes to recovering emotionally from a miscarriage. Some days are easier than others. Some heal faster than others. It’s normal.
Anyway, last night I went out to dinner with a friend who recently split from her husband. We’re both in somewhat of an emotional state, and it was great to get out with each other for an evening and feel comfortable in knowing that we could cry on each others shoulders if we needed to. We were both able to talk about everything so openly, and knew the other was listening. It’s great to trust that you can confide in a great friend. Last night was the first time in a long time that I actually felt normal, and laughed genuinely. It felt great. After last night I know that what i truly needed was a break from everything and to get out with a good friend. It made a world of difference. This friend and I plan to make girls nights out a more regular thing. 🙂
For now I’m going to take each day one at a time, and take comfort in knowing one day that hurt will subside and the memories of my angel will always be there.