Lately I’ve been finding that people either call or ring the doorbell at the wrong times. It certainly isn’t said persons fault, I just find it kind of funny… but somewhat of a pain at the same time. This morning was one of those mornings when C was having a mild freak out as I was trying to get her breakfast ready for her. Once C is strapped into her high chair, you better have her food in front of her within seconds otherwise she’ll start banging her hands down on the highchair all while hollering at you and crying. All in the midst of this, this morning my doctor called me. I contemplated not answering given the situation, but I did anyway.

The receptionist at my doctors office just wanted to let me know that they received the results from my betas that I had tested on Tuesday. The betas have dropped by more than double since March 9, which is awesome. I’m still measuring with HCG in my blood (so basically I still have some pregnancy hormone remaining), so I will have to redo my betas again in 2 weeks time to make sure that my levels have continued to drop. I never thought I’d be able to say that I’m very happy to receive this news… but I can actually say I am. Living with uncertainty for the past 3 weeks has been hell. I’m so happy that my body is doing what it needs to do, so that I can focus on healing and moving on.

Today marks one week since I said goodbye to my little angel, and while the pain and hurt are still sinking in… I’m coping a wee bit better. I still find that I easily breakdown, which is absolutely normal. I take comfort in knowing that my body knew to detect that something just wasn’t right with the pregnancy and dispelled of the little one. Sure it sucks that it had to happen right as I was about to enter the second trimester, but I’m glad it happened when it did especially if something was wrong. I couldn’t imagine finding out about problems around 18 or 20 weeks and having to give birth to a stillbirth or a very ill baby. No loss is easy. It certainly has strained both JM and I. We’re just trying to focus on the future, and not to take it to heart to much when one or the other snaps (which can really be hard)… It’s such an emotional time right now… But we’ll keep marchin’ on…

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