Another month goes by… and with that goes another cycle. I can’t even think of the words to really describe how exactly I am feeling right now… I am seriously at a loss (really!?!). So the hubs and I have now been trying to conceive for 3 months and this was our fourth cycle.. Forth unsuccessful cycle (… might I add). I seriously thought that this would be our month, and its not! All I really want to do is curl up on the couch and just cry. Who knew that trying to conceive a baby would be soooo emotionally straining?! Because I sure as hell didn’t get the memo that it would be. In a way I guess you could say that I feel slightly angry… at what?! Who knows…

With all the symptoms I had been feeling this month… I surely thought that for sure this would be our month. I mean it is very rare for me to experience any symptoms leading up to when Aunt Flo is expected to visit. I had everything from a sore lower back to sore boobs… I had a triphasic chart, too! However, my temperatures started to drastically drop on Sunday afternoon, and I shortly started spotting after that. I’m having cramps like I have never felt before, and I just know that Aunt Flo will arrive any day now, if not at any minute.

If we had conceived this month, our baby would have been due 8 days before our second wedding anniversary. That would have been such a blessing!

I hate to say it, but I am getting sooooo tired of trying. I don’t mean to sound selfish at all. I understand that trying to conceive takes a heck of a lot of time… Some people could conceive in a month and for some it takes years… I’m currently in between… As each unsuccessful month passes by I have to say I become more and more worried… What if it doesn’t happen? What if there is something wrong with me? The doctor has told me I am healthy… But that one part of me just can’t help but wonder…

This past month I have started to learn who my true friends are. I have had some pretty amazing ladies (one in particular) there for me this month — that have let me confide in them, vent to them, talk to them… And if it wasn’t for these ladies… I probably would have lost my cool long ago. These ladies know (or should know who they are). I’m so grateful to have them in my life. However… in away I am also let down because the one person who I thought would be there for me this month wasn’t… I mean aren’t ‘best’ friends supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin; the good and the bad… Instead I feel like this one person doesn’t get me and is so self involved in their own life that it doesn’t matter what I’m going through… It makes me really stop and think…

I just feel sooo let down right now… 🙁

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